Tuesday, May 03, 2005

u.s. troops invade neverlandistan

so this morning i am in my bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. i've used so much shaving cream, my face looks like a merangue pie. i add a bit more and now i have a modest beard. i get out the shampoo, lather up, and make this kick ass shampoo horn atop my head and now i look like some fucked up grimm faiery tale character, and i am thankful there isn't a hidden camera in my bathroom broadcasting this to the world over the internet, and then i think, "a-HA!! this is why i don't ever get dates! there is a camera broadcasting my hidden shenanigans to the world."

it would be cool if i could get a portable hand buzzer, like they have in gameshows, and just walk around all day "buzzing in" and finishing people's sentances. like, the boss is talking and says "our goal for this quarter will be..." and i buzz in and loudly say, in an excited voice "learn to boil water using our minds!" it would be lots of fun. you could do all the game shows with this, like, if you hear someone say "i am really busy" you could buzz in and say "things your wife says when you ask for sex" a la 10,000 pyramid...or if you overhear someone talking and they make some kind of disparaging remark, like "it's not that impressive" you could walk up, "buzz in" and do a jeapordy with "what is...your penis"...the possibilities are endless...

for fun, try going an entire day without using the words "yes" or "no". really, try it. someone asks "you want to get some coffee?" you have to say "that would be nice" or "i think i'll pass"...it's harder than it sounds really.

so i have an idea for a cool cartoon called "rapscallion" about this green onion who is making his way as a rap artist, and he speaks in rhyme, all the time, his beats stop on a dime, got a voice like chimes.....and he works for "big cheese" who is the head of the lable he raps on, and he has a girlfriend named "cherry" and maybe she has a cousin who pops in from time to time named "marachino cherry" or something. i think i could draw this, cause its just a long green stalk, a triangle (for the cheese) and a circle (for the cherry).

i really do like pancakes....


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