Wednesday, February 09, 2005

four wheeled tricycle

i can only assume it was mardi gras 1993, we went into the voodoo shop and i made a smart ass, snarky remark, something along the lines of "this is tourist stuff, where is the 'real' voodoo?". the guy behind the counter, whose name was jinx, looked at me with a wierd smile. i can only assume i was hexed, cursed, whatever, right there and then.
i am getting worn down, i am tired, i am about to give up, if i havn't already. in a way it is liberating, knowing that whatever i choose will be the wrong choice, that i will be screwed at every turn, that nothing will go right for me no matter what i do. i no longer have to care, i don't have to work hard, because no matter what i do, i will lose. every time. life will go out of it's way to make me the loser in any situation, regardless of what the outcome should be.
imagine if your job was to get kicked in the nuts, once a day. you knew, when you woke up, sometime during the day you would be kicked in the nuts, just once. for the first few weeks, you would think "the rest is great, i can deal with it once a day" but, after a while, you would dread going into work. you could wake up, have a great morning, but as you near your workplace, you would cringe, expecting, knowing, what was going to happen. you would come to dread going to work. but also, you would know that no matter what you do, you are going to get kicked in the nuts, so you could work hard and try, or you could go to work naked and piss on your desk, and the outcome would be the same. a swift kick to the nuts. and not from instant justice man either. it would be from instant injustice man, his negative.
the circumstances are hilarious, if looked at from the outside, not happening to you. but it is tiring. really tiring.
how do you remove a curse?

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